The Kids’ Favourite Recipe

Take some vegetables, doesn’t matter exactly, maybe Florets of Cauliflower; Some Carrots; Potatoes; Whole Onions. 


About a kilo of dead animal it doesn’t matter which kind


Something else.

Then, pop it in the oven and put the oven on 180°

Now, go and relax! Might I suggest —

  • vagueing out
  • beat-boxing
  • sleeping
  • daydreaming
  • talking to yourself
  • wandering around the house naked

Then, when you hear the oven buzzer go off after 45 mins, think to yourself, oh, i wonder what that is, or, oh i wonder what the neighbours buzzer is going off for. 

Return to whatever you were doing.

Then, when you smell something burning, quickly leap up and say a swear word — <insert swear word of choice here>!

Plate up and use lettuce leaves to hide burnt bits. You might need to cover the whole plate. It’s alright, it adds greenery. Very Healthy! 

Send a text or shout  DINNER’S READY KIDS!

“oh mum srsly you burnt dinner again” 

“mmm charcoal, our favourite”

And marvel at the fact that hungry teenagers will eat anything. 

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